


Sunsets

by moeagaru



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, broken!2jae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 03:13:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10608117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moeagaru/pseuds/moeagaru
Summary: Have you ever watched a sunset? When you're happy, all it can ever mean is the promise of a new beginning. But when you're sad you're watching the sun slowly fade into the horizon. You know what's coming and somehow you can't tear your eyes away from the way it's bleeding out completely. Something once so powerful simply fades. Youngjae was the sun and with each passing day his sunsets got a little harder to bear. The solution was simple, it was the only way. Otherwise there may have been no more sunrises.





	

 

> Have you ever watched a sunset? When you're happy, all it can ever mean is the promise of a new beginning. But when you're sad you're watching the sun slowly fade into the horizon. You know what's coming and somehow you can't tear your eyes away from the way it's bleeding out completely. Something once so powerful simply fades. Youngjae was the sun and with each passing day his sunsets got a little harder to bear. The solution was simple, it was the only way. Otherwise there may have been no more sunrises.
> 
> Not for Ahgases.

* * *

"What do you mean 'you _love_ me'?"

Confessions don't always go the way they are portrayed in movies, dramas or even music videos. The moment Youngjae confessed to Jaebum was the moment he messed up a lot of things for a lot of people. Regardless of the fact that he knew Jaebum's heart didn't belong to him, he felt he deserved to know the truth.

Jaebum paled. Once Youngjae explained the ways he had been aching because of his love for Jaebum, the group's leader looked like he was going to be sick. He had overlooked Youngjae’s feelings so blindly he'd allowed one of his group members to feel the need to obliterate himself and run to a place where he could overcome the pain inflicted by the one that was appointed to protect him. Im Jaebum was appointed to lead the boys into a life of happiness and success and had failed to do so for the boy who had the least training. He had caused a sunset where shining rays of light were supposedly ever-existing. For all of that, he would never forgive himself.

"I don't blame you, hyung," Youngjae spoke through his tears, "Trust me when I say that I don't. I don't blame you and I don't blame Jinyoung hyung either. This is something I need to do for myself and I'm sorry to put you through the trouble of not having your group members all in one place." He sniffles, looking off to the side, "I'll work hard not to disappoint you again, so please forgive me this once."

* * *

 

It all started when Jaebum started talking in his sleep. Usually, Youngjae would sleep like a rock, but once his crush on Jaebum evolved into something a little more serious, those days were over. He noticed Jaebum tossing and turning next to him and wanted to help, in any way possible. What started off as random babbling, soon turned into full blown conversations that would make the already confused boy even more helpless. Then Jaebum started calling out Jinyoung’s name in his sleep and the younger boy felt crushed. He knew he’d never have with Jaebum what Jinyoung had with him. They’d spent every waking minute together before they were told to debut with GOT7.

"I'll go get Jinyoung..." Every night, Youngjae’s heart bruised a little harder, ached a little more as he got up from his shared bed with Jaebum, only to walk over to where Jinyoung was sleeping and reuniting the two.

Jaebum was always thankful, always smiling whenever Youngjae offered to help, but the smile never quite reached his eyes in the same way it did whenever Jinyoung walked over and slid into their bed, next to the one Youngjae loved most. Youngjae had come to detest the room he slept in, since it was not his room anymore – not _theirs_ anymore. Somehow so many of Jinyoung's clothes ended up in their closet, the boy had to brace himself for heartache every time he opened it. Living life wasn’t easy when he couldn’t bring himself to open a closet door.

* * *

Knowing that Jinyoung lay next to the man he loved was one thing. Youngjae knew they were close. It wasn’t what hurt him most. It was the sneaking around that slowly drove Youngjae to lose his smile. He could hear them. How could he not, when the one he loved most was balls deep inside of Jinyoung, hiding in the darkness of a locked bathroom and giving him all kinds of affection Youngjae could’ve only yearned for?

Youngjae had tried to be attractive to him. He had tried sleeping in the nude, he’d tried holding Jaebum in his sleep, but the only result that come from it was hearing him whisper Jinyoung's name in his sleep instead of Youngjae’s. There was no use, since all he’d ever be is part of the vocal line in the group, the person Jaebum would go to only when he could make a show out of it on stage. Youngjae knew he wasn’t perfect, but he was confident enough to know that he wasn’t nothing, either. He deserved more than... more than _this_. He deserved _happiness_. He needed it, so he could give it back to others.

* * *

"Can I come in?"

Youngjae swallowed thickly as he stepped into Mark and Jackson’s room. After they moved into the new dorm, the two had decided to dedicate one room to Jackson’s rubbish and “move back in together”. It was only a matter of time, really.

Both boys smiled up at Youngjae expectantly, but with every word Youngjae uttered, their smiles fell. They were always laughing, making everybody happy. They made each other happy, even if they hadn't quite figured that out yet. Jackson, who was always the one to crack a joke to make any kind of tension disappear, sat across from Youngjae; his face without the trace of a smile and unmoving until he heard Mark's sniffling next to him.

Unlike what most think, Mark would have been a great leader. He wouldn’t ever talk much, but he always listened, compromised, and provided solutions like any leader would be proud to do. Mark was a big brother to all of them, in the first place, and if the shaking of his shoulders was anything to go by, he cracked knowing he couldn't protect everyone like he should have. He blamed himself, and as Jackson finally moved to hold the hiccupping boy in his arms, Youngjae could feel his heart breaking a little more, fractions of it shattering completely and turning to dust before they hit the ground.

"Take Coco with you," Mark whispered once he'd calmed down. Youngjae wanted to protest, at first, but he could see the determination in the elder's eyes and knew there was no way he'd ever let him leave without their sweet girl. Mark knew him too well to let that happen.

Youngjae nodded slowly, "It would be good for Jaebum, Nora could move back in."

"You can't make this about him," Mark pressed his fingertips against his wet, puffy eyes, "You can't. Take care of your own happiness before you take care of other's."

* * *

Bambam hadn't spoken a word all day. It was eerily quiet in the dorm because of his silence. He was lying on his bed when Yugyeom approached him, eyes red as if he hadn't stopped crying since Youngjae told them that very morning. Yugyeom had always been sensitive when it came to the stability of their group. His biggest fear was for them to fall apart and no longer be the GOT7 he grew up with. He was terrified to lose his hyungs. No matter how many times Youngjae explained to him that that was not what was happening, that he just need space for a while, he was not getting through to him. To him, this was only the start of the disbanding process.

"Can I sleep with you tonight? I don't want to be alone." Yugyeom's voice cracked as he took a seat on the edge of Bambam’s bed. The older boy didn’t think for even a second before he was already making room for the tall maknae, pulling away part of the covers so the younger could slip in.

* * *

They say dogs feel their owner's sorrow and somehow Youngjae didn't find that very hard to believe. The usually hyperactive puppy hardly came out to play. Only when Youngjae picked her up and allowed her to keep him company during another night of insomnia on the couch in the living room, did she wag her tail slowly as she yawned, her ears flat against her small head as if she knew what was going to happen. "I know it's not ideal, baby girl, but it's something I have to do. For me. For all of GOT7 and for our fans. We need to be happy so we can be together for a long time, alright? You'll have a great time at my brother's place. Your appa has promised to visit as much as he can. Don't you worry, puppy."

* * *

Jinyoung looked like a mess as he sat there, curled up on the couch. Youngjae tried to smile fondly like he always did, but failed. He felt guilty for hurting Jinyoung like that, but he couldn’t not go through with it.  

_You’ll be happy, in the end._

 Jinyoung hadn’t said a word. Youngjae knew Jinyoung blamed himself. He knew because he heard Jinyoung leave drunk voice messages to his sister, telling her he single-handedly tore GOT7 apart. Youngjae didn’t hate him. He never could and he never would. He loved Jinyoung as a brother and as a friend. Nothing he did would ever make resentment boil in his veins. No, it was just the agony of longing that broke his heart. He couldn’t allow it to break the others’ as well, so he had to be smart and do the right thing. Youngjae tried explaining this to Jinyoung, and it lead to Jinyoung bursting out into tears, soaking the boy’s shirt with every apology that fell from the older boy’s lips. It made leaving easier, knowing that a little distance between them would be good. Nothing was really broken.

* * *

It was eerily symbolic how nobody's eyes were on Youngjae in the same way they hadn’t payed attention to the way he had been aching. They all felt like they failed him; their guilt was hovering in the air, choking the life out of the boy. As he handed over the last box of his stuff to his brother and called Coco over to the door, he could feel their pain. His brother and Coco waited outside, because Youngjae knew this was something he needed to do without their help. The others were sitting on the couch side by side except for Jackson, who was sitting in front of it. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted backwards against the black leather. As much as he was the one to pester everyone in the dorm, he was also the one who defended them the most. Youngjae wondered if Jackson blamed him for not coming to him sooner. Then again, there was not much he could've done.

Mark looked terrible as his bloodshot eyes focused on the hands in his lap. He looked like he hadn't slept one bit since Youngjae told everyone a few days before. Usually, when Mark was feeling down like this, he'd go to Jinyoung. The comfortable silences between them always made things better. Youngjae, however, knew for a fact that Mark hadn't even looked in Jinyoung's general direction ever since Youngjae told him about the reason he was moving out. It hurt him to know how much Mark was aching because of Youngjae’s pain, they all were.

The maknaes were curled up on the couch together. They hadn't left each other's side since Yugyeom decided to seek comfort with the only slightly older boy. Bambam's eyes were directed on the TV set that wasn’t even on and his fingers were gently waving through Yugyeom's hair. Bambam was staying strong, because Yugyeom couldn’t bring himself to be. The youngest of the group broke out in silent tears once more. Youngjae knew the boy hated himself for being "weak". He knew the boy just cared too much to not let this affect him.

Youngjae swallowed the lump in his throat before he looked over to where Jaebum and Jinyoung were sitting on opposite sides of the couch. It was almost sweet in a way that they were trying to forget the reason why Youngjae was leaving. They both looked defeated beyond reason. Youngjae only saw them like this on what would’ve been JJ Project’s anniversaries. He loved his hyungs with all of his heart, but his own could only bear so much. In order for this not to hurt them more than it already had –  in order for Youngjae to function properly and not lose anyone in the process –  he needed change, for a while. He knew he wasn’t doing this to hurt or to cause trouble. He was doing this for his own happiness. Because he deserved this.

Nora purred as she positioned herself on Jinyoung's lap, and Youngjae smiled solemnly. "I'm sorry." It was like he’d been doing nothing but apologizing for the last few days. It'd started to hurt his throat because of all the pain that came with the reason for his apologies.

"I'll make sure to be ready at 7.30 tomorrow. I'll ask my brother to drop me off before he leaves for work."

He couldn’t say goodbye, because that was not what this was. This is _I'll see you guys tomorrow_ because that was the plan and it was what Youngjae needed to do. This was for the best. For himself, for GOT7, for their Ahgases. Especially for their Ahgases.

_I'll be happy, eventually, and let them be my sunrise._

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Alright, well, I'm not sure why I wrote this. I woke up early this morning and even though I was dead tired and only half concious, I wrote this because I couldn't stop think about reasons why Youngjae would want to move out. Not that it's any of my business in the first place, but whatever, I have weird thoughts when I'm delirious with sleep deprivation and I needed to sleep asap so I had to do something about the overload of little ideas my brain was providing me with. I literally typed this out on my phone in roughly an hour and a half and then passed back out. I did a little tweaking here and there this afternoon but it's nowhere near perfect and I'll probably be deleting this sometime in the future, seeing as I'm not really familiar with 2Jae (This is actually the first time I took the time to really write something decent about Youngjae) and once I re-read this in a few days I'll probably hate everything about it. Story of my life. Anyway, I hope you did enjoy some of it. Cash me in the comments, how bow dah?


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